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Hercules, Heracles, 'puhleeeze... - Cinema Shelf
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Hercules, Heracles, ‘puhleeeze…

Hmmm…what to say, this movies was… uhhh sigh… it? Well… What the heck did I just watch? This movie was one of the dumbest movies I have ever watched. Hercules in New York portrays Hercules as an overgrown man boy with the IQ of a kumquat. He is dumb, selfish, and childish. The movie’s plot went nowhere.

Yet, still there was something, somewhat comforting about this movie. From the inappropriately placed Italian music, to the weird competitions and exhibitions that were performed, it was in a way so silly that it kind of had a homey feel to it.

Arnold. I wonder how much money Arnold has spent on acting classes, because his acting from 1969 to now has drastically improved. If you think that Arnold is a bad actor, well you aren’t wrong, but to compare him from this movie to now you can see a world of difference. I would even go far as to say that Sylvester Stallone was a better actor in his first movies than Arnold was in this movie.

This movie was less about Hercules and more about Arnold, muscle shots, muscle shots, enough to make man crushes want to hit the gym and girls to blush (I don’t know about that last part). Actually, all joking aside it did seem like this movie was all about meeting the male crowd’s obsession with Arnold at the time.

My initial thought about Arnold being the wrong person for Hercules was actually lessened a wee bit, when I saw how close Greece and Austria are actually located to each other. Actually scratch that, that is the only fact (aside from his muscles) that could have probably helped his case.

Hercule’s superpowers. When I think of Hercules I think of super-powered strength, someone not necessarily with the strength of Superman, but maybe Superboy, someone with half the strength of a god. This is almost not shown at all throughout the whole movie. Something that was actually quite similarly frustrating with the Dwayne Johnson’s Hercules (2014). I mean Buffy the Vampire Slayer is stronger than Hercules in both of these movies. It inspired me to draw this.


And don’t get me wrong I don’t necessarily want to make Hercules ridiculously strong like in Disney. But we are talking about a man who destroyed the Hydra, subdued Cerberus (the three headed demon dog), temporarily held the world for Atlas, and also wrestled with Zeus himself.

Stuck up Latin student.  I am a stuck up Latin student and I was quite annoyed with the fact that they mixed up the Roman and Greek names of the gods. They called Hera, Juno and Hades, Pluto, but then they called Jupiter, Zeus and Venus, Aphrodite. If only Mrs. Brookes knew what they did…


If it weren’t for Hercules in New York’s silliness and down to earth feel, I would have probably gone even lower. And seeing as how my favorite heroine could have pummeled this half-god to a pulp, yeah… I don’t feel guilty about giving a 3/10 at all. That is my reasoning for why this movie is a 3/10, because Buffy would have totally destroyed Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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